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The Internal Monologue of Being Busy and How to Switch it for Good Mental Health



Happy #ReflectionFriday Everyone!!!!
This has been a really tough week for me. Since last Thursday afternoon I have been running a fever due to a bacterial infection via a cyst on my shoulder blade. I don't ever remember feeling quite so wiped out in ages. It has been a real challenge for me because I have so many things that I do each day that are really important to me like researching and writing really useful content that helps other autistics. I have barely moved from my bed except to go to the doctor, which has been 3 times this week. Ughhh. Good news is that I am on a new antibiotic and am feeling better and no fever for almost 24 hours- that means it's working. Insert happy dance here. What it also means is I have had time to think and reflect more than usual this week. This can be both a blessing and a curse in the autistic mind. You know exactly what I am talking about don't you. Yep, I knew you would get it.
As I have found reflection to be a key component to awareness, growth, choices and change I do it regularly. You probably get sick of hearing about it, lol. But seriously, it is very important to reflect because if you don't take the time to reflect and observe your behaviors and your thoughts how do you become consciously aware of what is working, not working and where you can do better?
This week I have been really excited to finally reach a point where my internal beliefs about doing work, being busy and resting were healthy and automated not a struggle with an hourly monologue reminding myself that rest is just as important as work. I was elated to realize that I didn't verbally berate myself for not feeling well and needing rest. I haven't stressed out about what I wasn't able to get accomplished because my body needed rest instead. This is HUGE for me. Maybe you can relate to the thought loop that used to go through my head when this happened in the past. I have put in a great deal of work and time focusing on helping myself get out of these limiting beliefs, feelings of guilt and shame for not measuring up to super woman in all aspects all. the. time.
What I have learned that helped get me here is that I can not compare myself to others. It never works and it always leaves me feeling inadequate. Always. What I did start to think about, rather than comparing myself to how others function in the world, was how am I doing today in this moment? Am I doing the best that I can do based on my abilities to function and operate today? This simple question has made a huge difference and has helped me get to this point today. The reflection piece is what takes that question to the next level. On Tuesday I was wiped out, but I had an important meeting at 3:30 pm that I had to attend. I was running fever and I knew it was going to take me all morning just to get showered and dressed with lots of lying down in between tasks. So, I did just that. I made my meeting dressed and ready. I think that I did pretty well in the meeting and no one knew I was feeling ill. I think back on Tuesday and that I was able to still make the meeting and was able to shower and dress for it in my own way and in my own time, it was a good thing and I will now be more willing to do it just like that in the future. It worked and the world did not end because it took me 5 hours to prepare for a one hour meeting.
Where can you reflect on your week and see what was working for you when you did something from the perspective of "I am doing my best in my way in this moment and that is good enough?"

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