Skip to main content

5 Tips How To Identify a TRUSTWORTHY Person, Relationships for AUtistics Part 4, TRUE Connection


Corner 4 relationships are about finding the person who embodies those true connection traits but where to even begin is the hardest and scariest part. The first step is to find someone who is trustworthy, but that isn’t always easy for us as Autistics. Today, I am going to give you a quick overview of a true connection relationship and then I’m going to teach you the 5 ingredients and tools you need to solve that first hard step in deciding if the person you are considering is even trustworthy. Stick around to the end where I’ll tell you the secret to finding that true connection relationship.

A true connection as defined by Dr. Cloud in his book, The Power of the Other, you can find a link to his book in the description below, is this:

“One in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears and needs can be shared safely.”

Corner 4 connection 6 benefits:

  1. Connection that fuels

  2. Connection that gives freedom

  3. Connection that takes the scary out of failure and learning

  4. Connection that challenges and pushes

  5. Connection that builds structure

  6. Connection that unites instead of divides

Corner 4 connection 2 requirements:

  1. Connection that requires responsibility

  2. Connection that requires trust


To make an investment in anyone, trust is paramount.  Trust is defined as a confident expectation.

Trust is valued and everyone can feel when it’s not there.  It’s often hard to get clear on what trust is made of.  We don’t always know how to clearly identify trust or know who to trust.  Here are the 5 ingredients to clarify and identify someone who is trustworthy:

  1. Understanding

  2. Intent or motive

  3. Ability

  4. Character

  5. Track record

Understanding- we trust people who we know understand us.  They listen.

  • Do you feel you are being listened to and understood?

Intent and Motive- We trust people we know want the best for us.

  • What’s driving them in this relationship?  

Ability- We trust people we know have the ability to do what needs to be done.

  • Do they have the abilities to be in this relationship? 

Character- Character is “the way someone thinks, feels and behaves: someone’s personality.”  We trust people who show us who they are in their character.

Character traits beyond honesty and ethics: Are they optimistic or pessimistic? Pro Active or passive? Do they persevere and solve problems when things get difficult? Are they too soft for what you need? Too hard? Too Rigid? Too impulsive? Too paralyzed by fear or failure? Compassionate? Kind? Fun? Resilient? Forgiving? 

Track Record- We trust people who show us what we can expect.

Look at the whole history, not just the most recent event.   The best predictor of the future is the past, unless there is something new and different in the present.  Science has proven that we have the ability to change.  Who we are today isn’t who we were yesterday.

Here is the secret to finding your true connection relationship:  

Check your internal GPS: 

  1. Where are you: Are you lonely in corner one? Are you feeling bad in corner two? Are you experiencing a fleeting thrill in corner three?
  2. Which corner are you in and who is in this corner with you?
When you answer these questions you have uncovered where you are and that knowledge is the secret to get you to your true connection relationship. You know where you want to go and that’s corner 4 and now you know how to identify a trustworthy person to begin taking that journey into creating that true connection relationship with. That will change your life forever.


Video, Relationships Part 4


Popular posts from this blog

Trauma is NOT Linear for Autistics with Alexithymia

by Carole Jean Whittington, January 25, 2022 A large part of #lateidentifiedlife is recognizing and processing past trauma.  This is far from a linear process.  There is no direct path from A to Z. Throw alexithymia into the mix and you have a whole other experience on this trauma path.  The delayed realizations that hit you out of what feels like nowhere.  You have one conversation and one phrase or feeling unlocks a cascade of other past experiences and emotions you never noticed before.  All of a sudden past events come flooding in for you to make sense of and process. Days later you are beginning to notice that there were relationships and people who treated you very badly and who hurt you, but you did not realize it at the time.  You were in survival mode as an unidentified autistic.                             ______________________________________________________ Often the fear of rejection dominates our thoughts and we experience that emotional hurt as a deeply physical pain. 

If you are Autistic & ADHD waking up to a pile of dirty laundry SUCKS! Join me for a HACK to make this easier.

  Did you reflect on the question from yesterday, “Do you believe that how you spend your morning tells you what kind of day you are going to have?” Most people never stop to consider this fully.  What were your thoughts on this, is it true for you or not true for you? The answer lies in your reflection.  It is both true and false simultaneously and wholly based on what you agree to believe.  There is a belief that high levels of cortisol are bad and because it is often called the “stress hormone” it means, by our interpretation that it is bad for us. However, cortisol is in reality good for us, necessary and serves us well.  ************************************************************  Here are a few examples of how cortisol serves us and is beneficial when it is in balance: -Cortisol is part of our internal alarm system and when we are under threat or pressure cortisol is released to allow our fight or flight response to be at the ready to keep us safe. -Normal levels of cortisol are

Did You Even Know You Had Been "Masking" for Decades? Autistic Masking and The Picture of Dorian Gray- Reflections on Similarities

  Chances are your answer is no, just like mine was. In the novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, the main character, Dorian, lives two very different lives in physical reflection.  One life is his outer body which remains young and attractive, and the other is his portrait which ages and reflects all the external happenings instead of his actual outward appearance.  Dorian remains young and handsome on the outside, while his portrait does not. I don't compare this in the strictest sense, but rather as a way to convey how I perceive autistic masking and how it manifests in both the physical exterior and the internal worlds of an individual. I didn't even know what Autistic Masking was even after the first few years of knowing I was autistic.  It is a term that you learn and become familiar with after you get into the autistic community. The definition of "Social Masking" as it is discussed in the psychology and Autism world is: Masking  is a process in w