Skip to main content

5 Tips How To Identify a TRUSTWORTHY Person, Relationships for AUtistics Part 4, TRUE Connection

 

Corner 4 relationships are about finding the person who embodies those true connection traits but where to even begin is the hardest and scariest part. The first step is to find someone who is trustworthy, but that isn’t always easy for us as Autistics. Today, I am going to give you a quick overview of a true connection relationship and then I’m going to teach you the 5 ingredients and tools you need to solve that first hard step in deciding if the person you are considering is even trustworthy. Stick around to the end where I’ll tell you the secret to finding that true connection relationship.

A true connection as defined by Dr. Cloud in his book, The Power of the Other, you can find a link to his book in the description below, is this:

“One in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul, and passion. Both parties to the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested. What each truly thinks, feels, believes, fears and needs can be shared safely.”

Corner 4 connection 6 benefits:

  1. Connection that fuels

  2. Connection that gives freedom

  3. Connection that takes the scary out of failure and learning

  4. Connection that challenges and pushes

  5. Connection that builds structure

  6. Connection that unites instead of divides


Corner 4 connection 2 requirements:

  1. Connection that requires responsibility

  2. Connection that requires trust


TRUST:

To make an investment in anyone, trust is paramount.  Trust is defined as a confident expectation.


Trust is valued and everyone can feel when it’s not there.  It’s often hard to get clear on what trust is made of.  We don’t always know how to clearly identify trust or know who to trust.  Here are the 5 ingredients to clarify and identify someone who is trustworthy:


  1. Understanding

  2. Intent or motive

  3. Ability

  4. Character

  5. Track record


Understanding- we trust people who we know understand us.  They listen.

  • Do you feel you are being listened to and understood?


Intent and Motive- We trust people we know want the best for us.

  • What’s driving them in this relationship?  


Ability- We trust people we know have the ability to do what needs to be done.

  • Do they have the abilities to be in this relationship? 


Character- Character is “the way someone thinks, feels and behaves: someone’s personality.”  We trust people who show us who they are in their character.

Character traits beyond honesty and ethics: Are they optimistic or pessimistic? Pro Active or passive? Do they persevere and solve problems when things get difficult? Are they too soft for what you need? Too hard? Too Rigid? Too impulsive? Too paralyzed by fear or failure? Compassionate? Kind? Fun? Resilient? Forgiving? 


Track Record- We trust people who show us what we can expect.

Look at the whole history, not just the most recent event.   The best predictor of the future is the past, unless there is something new and different in the present.  Science has proven that we have the ability to change.  Who we are today isn’t who we were yesterday.


Here is the secret to finding your true connection relationship:  


Check your internal GPS: 

  1. Where are you: Are you lonely in corner one? Are you feeling bad in corner two? Are you experiencing a fleeting thrill in corner three?
  2. Which corner are you in and who is in this corner with you?
When you answer these questions you have uncovered where you are and that knowledge is the secret to get you to your true connection relationship. You know where you want to go and that’s corner 4 and now you know how to identify a trustworthy person to begin taking that journey into creating that true connection relationship with. That will change your life forever.

eWorkbook

Video, Relationships Part 4



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Did You Even Know You Had Been "Masking" for Decades? Autistic Masking and The Picture of Dorian Gray- Reflections on Similarities

  Chances are your answer is no, just like mine was. In the novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, the main character, Dorian, lives two very different lives in physical reflection.  One life is his outer body which remains young and attractive, and the other is his portrait which ages and reflects all the external happenings instead of his actual outward appearance.  Dorian remains young and handsome on the outside, while his portrait does not. I don't compare this in the strictest sense, but rather as a way to convey how I perceive autistic masking and how it manifests in both the physical exterior and the internal worlds of an individual. I didn't even know what Autistic Masking was even after the first few years of knowing I was autistic.  It is a term that you learn and become familiar with after you get into the autistic community. The definition of "Social Masking" as it is discussed in the psychology and Autism world is: Masking  is a process in w

The Element You Are Missing When it comes to Employee Attraction & Retention- Employment Branding To Attract Neurodistinct Talent

  The Element You Are Missing When it comes to Employee Attraction & Retention- Employment Branding To Attract Neurodistinct Talent By Carole Jean Whittington   We were at dinner recently and a friend asked the group, “What do you think it’s like to work at Google?”   The replies ranged from “fun, creative, casual, cutting edge, innovative, outside the box thinking, you matter as an employee, excellent pay and inclusive.”   I think we all agreed it would be amazing to work at Google.   And since none of us at dinner that night have ever worked for Google, I think it is a great example of how powerful employment branding can be. Most of us are very familiar with product or company branding, think Nike and the swish logo and tag line “Just….” You filled in the blank with “do it” didn’t you?   The most globally recognizable company brand right now after two years of lock down is the happy image on the side of a brown box waiting on your front porch- the Smile on an Amazon bo

Thought Loops, Rumination & Worry- How to use them as a tool for Autistics with 4 tips on how to stop the thought loop

  Thought Loops, Rumination & Worry  How to use them as a tool for Autistics What is it? Mandall et al defines rumination as the "tendency to engage in sustained, repetitive thinking about negative topics." (Mandell et al., 2014, p. 35). Overall, with variations in definition in psychology research, rumination is a pattern of thinking which is most often, but not always, linked to a negative feeling, experience from the past or future feelings that are anticipated. Example: * Replaying a conversation that has happened * Scripting every scenario for a future conversation Rumination refers to thinking about events in the past . Worry refers to thinking about events in the future . Beneficial Tool vs. Harmful Behavior The harmful affects of rumination and worry can be: *Loss of sleep * Easily agitated * Increase in anxiety & depression * Impact your emotions and can change your world view along with your sense of safety. INSIGHT The brain cannot distinguish easily betwee