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Relationships for Autistics Part 3, The FALSE Good Connection or Corner 3

Your social brain is constantly seeking connection just like your cell phone is constantly searching for connection to a network, so is your brain. When we hit our limit and say enough is enough I am tired of feeling bad or not good enough, we seek to feel good. But often in our efforts to feel good we seek and make the wrong kind of connection. It is the False “Good connection” or Corner 3. It feels good so it must be good, right? The affair, the promotion, the positive results, the approval from others, sex, alcohol, drugs, they all make you feel good, but do those things last? Are they just a temporary fix to soothe your aching soul? Today we are talking about the Corner 3 or the False Good connection. That wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Do you ever catch yourself moving from one project to the next because the minute it gets too hard or doesn’t feel good any more you lose interest, so you move on to the next project or idea seeking that feeling of success, happy or accomplishment. Do you do this with people? When one person doesn’t make you feel good, do you move on to the next one. Or do you seek out that person who makes you feel good because they are always telling you what you want to hear? Do you seek out the person who is going to agree with your opinion and side with you against someone else even if you are wrong?

The reality is that these flattering relationships that make you feel good, they may shield you from the bad feelings but only temporarily. In the long run, not having a corner 4 relationship where the other person is telling you the hard truth because they want to help you address the issues and find ways to conquer and succeed, you are only being hurt. These flattering relationships can be just like a drug, they are addictive. 

You become dependent on them because they make you feel good. They have control over you and influence you. These False Good connections drain your energy and resources just like that bad relationship because here in Corner 3 you are always seeking your next feel good fix because they are temporary. Corner 3 is powerful and seductive because unlike corners 1 and 2, corner three is the high energy, endorphine rush that hooks us and reels us in. 

Corner 3 can have some negative backlash for those in your life. If you are that Corner 3 person who never wants to hear bad news, who never wants anyone to disagree with them, or who can’t take constructive criticism, the people around you begin to lose trust in you and lose respect for you.

These false good connections can come in many forms from retail therapy, sex, flirting, online gaming to food, hobbies, a good bottle of wine, to exercise. Yes, these can all make you feel good but the problem is that they only make you feel good for a short time and then you are back to seeking that deeper connection again.

Are you caught in a three corner roundabout? You start out in corner 1 feeling alone and seeking a connection then you find one but it makes you feel bad so you seek one of those feel good quick fixes and when that wears off you are back to that feel bad because it’s better than being alone and when you’ve felt bad long enough and decide to get out you are back to being alone and beating yourself up for making those same bad choices only to seek out that quick fix just to feel good again in corner 3. This is the 3 corner roundabout.

You are stuck in this loop like groundhog day and you know deep down this isn’t right for you. You ask yourself, is there anywhere else to go? If so, how do I get there?

Evaluate your current and past relationships with what you’ve learned here today. What relationship falls into the False Good Connection, Corner Three? Are you in a Corner 3 relationship right now? If so, visit my website: for a copy of the FREE eWorkbook for this relationship Series and follow along. Join me for more in-depth info along with Q&A in my Private FB Group, The Socially Intelligent AUtistic.

If you would like to read the book that this series if based on you can get it at the link below.

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The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud

Follow Along with the Video Series HERE:

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