Reconnecting with Your Partner-Relationships on the Spectrum

Self-quarantining has led to a LOT of TOGETHERNESS and often when we have been in a relationship for awhile it is easy to get frustrated with not having some personal space.  As Autistics, we need that alone time, that quiet time to re-energize and recharge from too much sensory input like constant sound.  It can also lead to being disconnected from your partner because they are physically there and your only escape is to be inside your head.  You get in your own routines which may include routines you are in together, like eating a meal.  Routines are great and they help us in many ways but they can also be hurting us when they lead us to a place of disconnect.  Disconnect happens more easily I think for us as autistics because we seek to find that quiet place of rest and changing from one state of being to another is difficult so we stay where we are comfortable and where change is not making us stressed.  I know that I fall into this and have become aware that I need to be more aware of when it happens because too much isolation is just as harmful to my mental and emotional health as is not having sufficient isolation to recharge my batteries.

If you are in a relationship and looking for ways to reconnect and create some space that includes both of you actively sharing your space with one another check out this great practice for couples from The Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley.

Let us know what you try and how it goes.  My partner and I do a date night where we take time to not just go somewhere but to do a project or a learning experience together. We take turns choosing something to teach the other person sometimes too which has really been fun.  I taught him to paint and he taught me how to build a cabinet door.  LOL I know it sounds odd but that in itself made it fun because it was unusual.  

Check out the Podcast episode from The Science of Happiness, link below and the Couples Practice.  

Podcast LINK:

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/podcasts/item/how_to_reconnect_with_your_partner

Couples Practice LINK:

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/exciting_activities_for_couples

Comments

Did You Even Know You Had Been "Masking" for Decades? Autistic Masking and The Picture of Dorian Gray- Reflections on Similarities

Chances are your answer is no, just like mine was. In the novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, the main character, Dorian, lives two very different lives in physical reflection. One life is his outer body which remains young and attractive, and the other is his portrait which ages and reflects all the external happenings instead of his actual outward appearance. Dorian remains young and handsome on the outside, while his portrait does not. I don't compare this in the strictest sense, but rather as a way to convey how I perceive autistic masking and how it manifests in both the physical exterior and the internal worlds of an individual. I didn't even know what Autistic Masking was even after the first few years of knowing I was autistic. It is a term that you learn and become familiar with after you get into the autistic community. The definition of "Social Masking" as it is discussed in the psychology and Autism world is: Masking is a proces...

Thought Loops, Rumination & Worry- How to use them as a tool for Autistics with 4 tips on how to stop the thought loop

Thought Loops, Rumination & Worry How to use them as a tool for Autistics What is it? Mandall et al defines rumination as the "tendency to engage in sustained, repetitive thinking about negative topics." (Mandell et al., 2014, p. 35). Overall, with variations in definition in psychology research, rumination is a pattern of thinking which is most often, but not always, linked to a negative feeling, experience from the past or future feelings that are anticipated. Example: * Replaying a conversation that has happened * Scripting every scenario for a future conversation Rumination refers to thinking about events in the past . Worry refers to thinking about events in the future . Beneficial Tool vs. Harmful Behavior The harmful affects of rumination and worry can be: *Loss of sleep * Easily agitated * Increase in anxiety & depression * Impact your emotions and can change your world view along with your sense of safety. INSIGHT The brain cannot distinguish easily betwee...

To Feel Like the REAL You does it only require removing a mask? Unmasking isn't the whole solution is it?

To feel like the REAL you, does it only require removing a mask? Burnouts are most often caused due to all the energy that you expend keeping the right mask on for the right situation. It is exhausting and often leads to feelings of disconnect, isolation and not feeling like anyone really knows you or understands you. You may be on a mission to unmask right now and you are slowly lowering your guard and experimenting with showing up in the world as the real you. It feels freeing and exciting to stim or to not make eye contact every second of a conversation with someone. In those small moments where you are letting your mask down you feel that sense of reclaiming yourself and your place in the world. But you are only uncovering what is a big, glaring difference in your current awareness that is in contrast to the mask you have been wearing. Unmasking, as a late identified autistic, is only one component in aligning your external and internal wor...

Mind Your Autistic Brain with Social Autie

Search This Blog